Loop Holes

I break a lot of promises.  To myself.  I make them all the time and I break them ALL the time.  I'm really good at finding loop holes in the contract that allow me to make excuses and justify whatever action I am taking.  That action that counteracts the so-called promise that I made myself.  And before I know it, I am so far from the set goal or standard, that I can't even remember what I felt like when I decided that it seemed like a good idea.  At the time, I had myself fully convinced that no line of logic could deter me from my quest.  Oh fickle female.  I gave myself a pretty good talking to the other day.  I sat Christina down and told her point blank that she needed to start making some commitments if she wants to see consistent progress.  She asked me something.  She wanted to know how I define progress.  And of course I'm thinking...I see your game...the ol' answering the question with a question trick.  Very tricky indeed.  I'll take her up on it though.  It warrants exploration.
I have grown weary of making goals and treating my life like its a checklist.  My life view doesn't include some structured formula that I have to measure out precisely in order to get the desired effect.  Of course, anyone could make that observation if they observed my time management and organizational strategies.  And supposedly I'm an OT that is highly skilled and knowledgable in these matters...I go to work everyday to give people recommendations for how to manage and spend their time.  The irony.
As I continue to think about what is important to me and what I want to pursue in my life's endeavors, I do often reference the concept of time.  I believe in a God who sees outside of my concept of time.  He knows what will make me the most happy.  He is willing to supply me the means to participate in those things that will fill me with satisfaction and life joy.  It becomes an act of faith to ask God to cultivate those talents and interests that I have.  Anyway, those frustrations that creep in when I feel like I am back peddling, aren't as bothersome at the present moment.  It's pretty difficult to be annoyed when I remember that in all things God longs to draw near to me.  With all the things that occur in my day, in the midst of all my plan making, He looks down upon me and says, "Just wait Christina, you have no idea what I have in store for you.  You have just scratched the surface.  Nothing that you promise yourself can outdo the promises that I have made to you."