I actually like Salad :)

I was so thankful last night that I could harness my melancholy spirit and take it out on the guitar.  I am really good at getting into these moody mentalities.  They sneak up on me and cover me like a blanket.  Ugh.  At the end of my jam sesh, I could feel the evenness of a more uplifted mood coming up over me.  And I felt like I could speak again.  My family knows that if I am in the side room with the door closed, I am brooding, and they won't get much of a response from me.   I sit in the room; in the plush, red leather chair, contained in the delicious stew of angst and creativity.  Tasty.  I chew on those thoughts for awhile, mulling the words over in my mouth and in my mind.  Throwing out phrases, taking them back.  Scratching away at a paper that resembles the layout of my brain.  Haphazard snippets of thoughts that flow across the page, in no sort of set fashion.
I think I just described the inner workings of me.  Regarding the reference that I made towards my lyric writing methods, I find myself eager to jump into experimentation, but quickly withdrawing my bid once I hit a glitch.  The events that have transpired over the past few months have led me to make this observation.  I'm still trying to make out what I think about that tendency.  It causes me to ask myself questions like:  "Am I setting the bar too high?"  "Am I living outside of my means?"  "Am I just too weak-willed?"
A very blatant example of this type of flakey interaction is the inconsistent way that I have approached my "promise" to myself to adhere to a completely raw foods diet.  The first thing I want to know is this...it is worth it to make such a strong assertion without any insight into the events that could unfold and cause me to stumble in the process?  Is it acceptable to make such a firm resolve and then fail in front of the whole world?  Of course, that is me assuming that the world is even remotely interested in my life.   It feels a bit presumptuous to say that the whole world is watching...when in fact I remember that I only technically have three followers.  And I must remind myself that the whole point of this blogging exercise isn't to toot my successes, but to record the reality of daily struggles and my humanistic tendencies.  That is real...that is RAW.  I don't feel guilty that my original goal has evolved into a different journey.  I merely want to be observant and mindful of my life through out the process.  If I take nothing else away from this experience, at least I can claim that I am a huge fan of salads.  If you had asked me that 2 years ago, I would have told you that lettuce was the most boring food on the face of the planet.