Mind games

I've changed my mind several times since April 12.  I don't even think I'm the same person anymore.  Consistency is not my middle name.  (I would not want to admit that on a job application...)  It occurred to me last night in the midst of conversation between friends, that I've been on auto pilot.  This is evidenced by several symptoms.  One of them being that I have utterly failed to keep up my blog writing habits.  Although, technically I didn't pass the 21 day minimum for habit formation and therefore I can blame human nature for that one.
It's funny to me how (and anyone is free to correct me if I am wrong,) as human beings we spend so much time thinking about what we need to change about ourselves.  This has been on the forefront of my agenda for an unspecified amount of time.  For example, I made a goal to myself that I would eat RAW for an entire year.  I have long since fallen off that wagon.  So much so that I have swung to the other end of the spectrum...experimenting in the meat department.  I did not see that outcome coming.  I suppose the larger the risk you take, or change you make, the more dramatic the fall back can look when the momentum declines. I've tried not to put an agenda on my goal setting, because life changes all the time and I want to keep my adaptation skills sharp.
In the spirit of moving on and shaking off the dust from my sandals, I would like to leave old forgotten goals behind and take on the heartier challenge of embracing myself as I am.  This proves to be a most daunting task all of its own.  Stripping off all the would be's, should be's, am trying to be's...  It is here that we see ourselves in our present form.  Just quietly observing what we are.  Not putting any expectations around it.  (whoops...this is turning into a "mindfulness" session...)
What a natural way to live.  I'm going to have to return to this idea of observing myself, rather than trying to change myself.  There are several ethical, spiritual, and philosophical questions that it poses.  How does that effect my overall spiritual view?  How does it effect my view of myself as a Christian?  How does it effect my view of people's ability to change their behavior and become either better or worse?  And so the questioning continues...so the mind ponders...so the story goes.