Summer swept me off my feet. Some of it was good...and some was not so good. But I have welcomed the change of season, and with the change of season, some other changes in my life. When I get married last September, I did not realize that I was embarking on a journey of change. And I didn't realize what those changes would mean. I mean, yes I knew that some things were going to be different. The obvious things like, sharing my clothing drawers with men's pants and socks, coming home to the same human being at the end of the day. (Which is a good thing.)
It's been a little over a year. In a year I have also dealt with more unexpected changes, like how to balance personal wants/needs with family responsibilities. There have been other changes, but this one is on my mind at the moment. As I enter my late 20's I am freak out more and more about goals and ambitions that I have. I freak out because the reality of providing for a family and how to make financially smart decisions tends to override my creative ambitions. And I hate it. I rebel against it. I am constantly trying to figure out how to make my career, my values, and my creative ambitions all coincide and it feel frustrating to feel like I have to make compromises. I doubt I am alone in this. I didn't really see this one coming though. I didn't see the struggle of it coming I should say. I think it might be one of those things that takes some of the wind out of the sails, brings the dreamer down out of the clouds, dumps the bucket of ice water down the back. It makes me tired.
I sound like a real downer. Luckily life gives simple pleasures on a daily basis. Luckily I have a community of family and friends that point out good things in life. Luckily, in the midst of my own personal quandaries and questions, I have a life partner that makes me smile, a little girl who keeps my imagination alive and healthy, and friends to make music with. I want to keep my creative spirit fresh and firing, but I think I need community to help me with that. I get worried that I will lose my inspiration for songs and poems, for writing. That those things will get drowned out by worries in life. But life doesn't stop happening around me. Creation doesn't stop happening. I think maybe if I live my life in isolation, then maybe I will have a harder time coming up with original ideas, but I am not alone. And seeing and hearing things will lead to other thoughts, and those thoughts will continue to come out in songs and ideas.
I think this has been perhaps a more cryptic and conceptual entry, but I think my point is this. That I won't lose hope in the midst of the mundane. That the mundane may lead me on unexpected journey's and create venues for inspiration.